I spend a lot of time on social media. My friends are all on Facebook, I enjoy Instagram, more as a consumer than a producer, but I share my photos from time to time. I enjoy the hell out of Litsy.
One thing I really hate is that there are a lot of guys who seem to think that all social media is just a bunch of free dating apps. I get them all the time on Facebook, and while I know a number of them are scam artists I can see how many of them collect women friends there. Yes, I look at your profile guys. Why wouldn’t I? I’m not desperate for male attention, so I do take a bit of time to figure out what I’m dealing with.
But there are guys who are not scammers who seem to think that private messaging a woman is a good opener. It’s not, not for this woman, and certainly not for any of my friends (that I know of anyway.) What’s wrong with it? Wow, where to start?
Okay, first, don’t think that a private message like, “Hi, how you doing today? Where do you live? How’s the weather? Let’s be friends.” will cut it because 1) It’s private. Yeah I’ve been around long enough to know what that’s about. Forget it, that bridge is closed. 2) Could it be more generic? (answer: No.) 3) I might be polite enough to answer your message initially, but what’s my impetus for responding to any of those questions? You’re a stranger, you don’t care what the weather is like where I live, or how I feel. And you sure don’t need to know anything personal about me. Why the hell would I tell you any of those things, and why the hell do you think that’s intriguing enough to keep me chatting?
A private message that starts out by telling me how pretty I am? Dude, don’t even because I’ll block your ass. I’m sorry if you think that’s what all women like because all that’s going to get you is some vapid female who thinks the way she looks defines her. If that’s what you like, great, but know your audience, okay? Even when I was relatively pretty, I never traded on my looks. I don’t trust people who start out their very first conversation with me by talking about how I look, because shallow much? I’d rather you just sent a blunt, “You up for getting together for some fun?” to which I’d say “No, fuck off,” and we could both get on with our lives. But if you think flattery works with me, you haven’t paid a goddamn bit of attention to anything on my account, which to me means you’re either a scammer or some desperate guy who is looking for a woman who isn’t much work.
Trust me, gentlemen, I am a whole lot of work.
So just as a courtesy let me tell you the following things about me so you won’t waste your time:
- I won’t believe you when you tell me I’m attractive. Just flat out won’t so don’t bother.
- I don’t make friends with total strangers who haven’t bothered to engage my interest by discussing things I care about with me. I have a lot of male friends. We talk. They’re smart, funny, and when they act like doofuses, I’m cool with it because I know who they are.
- I’m asexual. Not looking for a relationship with anyone. Ever. No, I don’t need one good fuck to change my mind, okay? Don’t insult me.
- Don’t try to scam me, I know a bunch of Nigerian princes.
- Understand that if I say, “Sorry, no.” I mean it. Don’t hammer away at me, insult me, or whine. None of that shit is likely to make me think, “Oh well maybe I was wrong and he’s worth my time.”
- Yes, this is all about guys, deal with it. I’ve never once in all my 65 years had a woman treat me that way.
I’m sorry if this comes across as mean, I’m just tired of the time it takes to deal with the BS, okay? Also, I have a bad nature. So really, I’m not at all sorry, but I am polite enough to say it. Once.