There are days when you just have to be a crank.

Even if you know it’ll make you look like a lunatic.  I got a link to a survey from Starbuck’s today, and it was just one too many of those surveys where they ask you the same stuff over and over with slightly different wording, ask your household income or your race, or some other impertinent question and don’t give you a “Mind your own business” choice, and won’t let you off the page unless you’ve answered questions in the “right” format i.e., in a manner which makes no sense whatsoever.  And then I got to the end (mercifully) and got an error message.  It was the proverbial last straw.  This is what I said in my email reply:

Okay seriously, this survey was idiotic, and very probably a waste of my time and your money, especially considering that when I submitted it, I got an error.

First of all, my household income is not your damn business and I had to lie to get off the page.  Second, endless piddly-assed questions about my favorite this or how often that are kind of pointless.  Give me a list, ask me what I order, then on the next page ask me to rank them by frequency.  That should tell you everything you need to know about my buying habits.  Third, price is no indication of quality when you’re talking about a known quantity, so the question about how low could the price go before I began to question its quality is about the dumbest one I have ever seen!  It would make as much sense to ask me what sort of coffee I thought zombies would like best.

Seriously, people, are you PAYING someone to think these up?  Because I would LOVE to get a job thinking up stupid questions like that for the kind of money you’re probably shelling out.    Do yourselves and your customers a favor and have useful surveys.  Ask us if the staff was pleasant, if the place was clean, if we could find a table easily.  Ask us what we had but for the love of all that’s holy, don’t ask us what we paid.  I don’t know too many people anal enough to memorize the price of their last frappucino.  Anyway, you KNOW what we paid, at least approximately, don’t you?  Or is the everyday running of your stores a mystery to you all?

Ask us if we liked it, if we’d order it again.  Isn’t that really what you want to know?

I think it’s a step up from the time I drunk emailed American Express.


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